Returning to my DREAMS

Fifty four years back at the age of 4, standing with my dad beneath a towering deodar, at China Peak (2611m), a well-known view point just above the lacustrine hill town of Nainital, I had seen with my eyes wide open my very first and my biggest dream – to travel the world and climb every mountain. We were there to watch the sun rise from across the Tibetan Plateau. 

Nothing had changed in 54 years

It was a cold dawn in April, the eastern sky just beginning to turn pink and while my restless eyes flitted around my dad stood silent. As the sky continued to brighten and the endless array of icy peaks to my North started punctuating the horizon, he raised his hand and pointed at Nanda Devi and said – this is the Himalaya, a part of your heritage and it is because of these mountains that you and I and this land exists. My dad was a man of few words. Yet these words drew my attention to the amazing spectacle unfolding right in front. 

Slowly the sun rose further and the white summits turned from deep pink, to orange and gold. On that day, at that moment something happened deep within me and I was transformed forever. I had my first brush with divinity, my first miracle, my first love and my first realization that these icy giants were my true home. Without knowing anything about the peaks or Himalaya I knew intuitively that one day I would be climbing these mountains. And as I stood speechless I saw my first and perhaps fundamentally the only dream that I have ever dreamt. Since from this dream all others that followed were born. It took another 6 years to step on to my first glacier and climb my first Himalayan peak. 

Today exactly at the same spot, along with a dear friend and his staff of 6, I watched like déjà vu an identical dawn and miracle unfold right in front of my eyes. The only differences were that my father wasn’t there, I am 58 yrs. now and I had already climbed almost all the peaks my eyes could fathom. Other than that, it could be the same dawn including all its magic. As I watched with bated breath, barely daring to breathe in heightened anticipation, the sun on its upward passage and the peaks sprouting one after another like mushrooms and then the supreme play of colors across the icy summits, I almost felt like a spectator standing outside my own body, watching my tiny 4 year self along with my father standing under the same deodar simply gazing into the horizon. 

I literally felt that my journey around the world in search of myself through icy mountains had come around full circle. This is exactly the place where the course of my life was defined and set, a course from which I never veered or strayed no matter what, and in the last 54 years I had not only visited every country in the world (except North Korea) but climbed innumerable summits in all the seven continents. And here I was back to the point from where my life had begun. Did I feel a sense of satisfaction or self-realization? I didn’t feel so. I still felt like a tiny boy with wondering eyes, restless as ever with the same dream to travel the world and climb every mountain. As my eyes gazed longingly at many of my friends, upon whose summit I had stepped, I felt that I hadn’t changed at all. Yes, I had grey hair, my body ached now at times, I was perhaps more aware and careful about my own vulnerability but deep within I felt the same. 

That same sense of wonder, that same sense of divinity and that same sense of awe. Perhaps the only difference being my sense of insignificance on the backdrop of this vast and infinite canvas of the mountains and everything else that nature abounds. Back then I had everything that I had today morning except experience, including climbing most of these peaks, yet it had not diluted nor diminished my sense of wonder. I not only felt humbled and almost nonexistent but also immense gratitude to life and all those who came into my life and showed me the way. 

To begin with my mother who brought me into this world and through whom I received the gift of life, and then my father who brought me to this spot (though he wasn’t really an outdoor person, never before or after did he hike), then the uncle who reluctantly took me on my first climb because I wouldn’t let him live in peace, then uncle Fred who opened the door to the world at large and I became a global citizen. Many others followed, my mentors, gurus, climbing partners, friends, wise men and women, those who saved my life, nourished me and encouraged me to follow my dreams and to never give up, those who believed in me, those who sheltered me without seeking anything in return, the innumerable friends disguised as strangers that touched my life and to all those who told me categorically that it was impossible to climb every mountain and travel the world without any education or money or resources who continuously told me to stay with the masses and to become like them. Those who discouraged me are equally important because their negativity strengthened my resolve to prove them wrong. To all the quirks of destiny that ensured that I am still alive and able to follow my dreams (while many of climbing frie

nds are not) and finally to all those who showered me with love, empathy, kindness and generosity, and unconditional acceptance of who I was and who I would become. I felt the swell of gratitude like a tsunami overwhelm me like never before. 

To each and everyone one of you I owe my life and my dreams and today you all stood with and around me, lifting me high up in the air and sang in chorus – Satya this is you and we love you just the way you are. Continue to live your dreams, continue to be crazy, continue upon your impossible path and return to tell us your stories. And I promise to all of you that I would continue to do just that. And with my heart full of joy, bliss and gratitude I retraced my steps along with my team back down to my abode. I know that my journey has only just begun for today morning I hit the reset button and my counter reads zero. 

My life begins afresh anew with a clean canvass. I will fill it up once again with what I am not certain but it would certainly be the result of a life lived fully with purpose and consciousness. How long do I have to go, how far yet I must travel to reach a point where I feel I have traveled far enough? How much more do I push my limits till I break them or reach the end? I do not know for as someone said: the woods are lovely dark and deep for I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. 

Until next time my dear friends… C u all on TOP!