Saturday, November 15, 2014

All about Self

Two days back I received a message from a friend who I hadn’t met or communicated for a good number of years. We were in love once. I still am and I am guessing she too is though it’s now more like you love a fool since he is a source of entertainment. The message in exact these words –

“People say you are still alive and I hope you are, yet I think you must be dead frozen stiff actually stuck to one of your silly vertical ice walls in some silly godforsaken corner of the planet. I don’t think you would ever read these words, at least not in your earthly avatar and being dead why would you even care to read mails even if you had the technology to do so. Do they have internet in heaven or hell or wherever in between places you might be? Oh goodness, what a silly question. Now the real question is if you are already dead, according to my presumption, why I am even writing this message to you! I am writing to you because I need to write to my own self, to my soul and I can only do so by writing to you; the only man who reached into my soul and discovered me to me. I cannot write or talk to my own self since it doesn’t listen but when I write or talk to you it goes silent and listens. You are the only one who can silence me into hearing what I need to say to myself. You fathomed me you discovered me you expanded me you buried me annihilated me made me extinct and only after that did you bring me alive to show me what it is like to be me. It was never about you or us, it was always about me, even when you told me your stories of madness and laughter, they were all about me. When you glorified your mistakes and underplayed your triumphs it was still about me. When you kissed me and held me in your arms and whispered that you loved me it was all about me because only by making it all for me made any sense to you. When you left me for the mountains not telling me where you went and if ever you would return it was again for me and when you returned or appeared like a ghost out of my dreams into my life it was all for me. As long as I had you with me I didn’t realize that all I had to do to keep you with me was to keep me with me so I suffered in anguish and pain each time you left and since you never said what was meant to be. I realized all this when you were gone without promise to return. Faced with an emptiness I knew not how to handle or if I even needed to I turned to every word you had ever uttered and to every gesture you ever made or words you wrote and slowly like an archaeologist sifting and brushing through immense debris of time I found that I had you always with me even before I knew you existed since I always had me. You may ask do I need you now and honestly I must tell you that no I don’t need you like I need air to breathe or water to live but yes like I love the scent of a fragrant rose in the air I breathe it would be wonderful if I could breathe you. If you are dead I wish you eternity of love and life and if you are still alive then I wish you many more years of silly craziness. You will never be me and I will never be you; I will always be me. Since I don’t thank the air I breathe every moment I am not going to thank you, acknowledgement of the obvious is neither needed nor desired. It is only to be acknowledged as being there. You are there because I am there. You are not there for me because you are there for you as I am there for me. If you ever read this message then perhaps you would smile and think of me but I know that you will never reach out to me since I already have me. When we love someone or something even beyond the point of necessity then it is enough to just love and be. Let us just be.”

Sometimes even that is obvious must be stated, so as you can see – I am very much alive, I will not respond to this mail, I will not correct or edit her grammatically challenged message and the only reason I put this here is to increase the number of posts in my blog by one. As it so happens I have so much to write in so many platforms these days that my own blog is suffering my procrastination so there it is. Like they say (I still don’t know who this ‘they’ is) – live like you will die right now and love like you never will.

I am out of here, seriously!

Live UP Don't Give up

Einstein once said that we truly fail when we give up; as long as we do not give up we continue to progress and learn and even if we do not achieve the desired outcome at the end of the day, we do not fail.

We can pause, we can ponder, we can change our tactics and strategies, we can rest and recuperate, but we can never give up. Giving up is a finality like quitting, to not continue to pursue what you truly wish to achieve leads to real failure. As long as you do not give up you are on the journey of discovery.

Life is such that almost nothing would ever happen exactly the way you plan or wish it to happen. You never made a plan to read these words, but you are here right now reading this post. And you have no idea how far or close you might be to your goal. You don’t know when things will start turning your way and which doors will open when you knock hard enough. You do not know what the horizon will bring you unless you have climbed high enough to peek beyond. The goal of having a goal is only so you begin the journey. The journey is important and the only way you can keep it going is by never giving up.

The initial goal with which you might have started your voyage would eventually shift, transform and modify, so even if you don’t achieve that goal it is not a failure since it isn’t a goal anymore in the present. But what is important is the journey that you began and upon which you are embarked right now. There’s no way you can give up on the journey just because you didn’t find the milestone on the way that you wanted to cross. Because I am sure you have crossed that milestone already or soon you would but your eyes didn’t sense it or you crossed it far high above. If you walk along a meridian in a perfect straight line; you would keep crossing latitudes every moment, which means that you are crossing every point on earth that lies on that latitude. You won’t see most of these points, yet you have crossed them.

There is no fixed goal there is no constant ideas or unchanging dreams. The failure in life is to believe that there are. All we have and would ever have is the journey upon which we are. Upon which you would always be no matter how fast or tardy you move or in which direction. Just do not willingly stop the journey. As long as you live the journey must continue and there is no giving up on it.

Like the rabbit told Alice: if you don’t know where you want to go then any direction you walk is fine and you will certainly reach a place that you don’t know if you want to go if you walk long enough.

The walking part is vital in our lives. Everything emerges out of it.

Once someone asked me if all my philosophies on life and living comes from the mountains and nature and I assured him that they most certainly do.

Look at a trickling stream that emerges out from the snout of a Himalayan glacier; when it did, I am sure it did not plan nor did it have any idea of where or how it is going to go. The cliffs it would cascade from giving birth to enchanting waterfalls, gurgling brooks through the alpine meadows, sinuous trails through villages and then forming a frothing river through valleys and towns finally joining the great oceans of the world.

The entire journey happened at random yet it is perfect. We cannot plan a better journey for that little trickle from the glacier snout.

Perhaps physically it is not possible for humans to be like this trickle but mentally and spiritually we should strive to be such. To be ready to follow the fancies of nature and mind and to keep moving and forever changing; expanding to embrace horizons as well as shrink into a snowflake if necessary. Who can tell if you succeeded or failed? What could define if goals were met or not? How can we say if you lived for a cause or in vain?

All we can say is that you lived; and that my friend is more than what can be said for many of us.

If you truly lived you succeeded. Don’t give up.