Why I climb Free Solo

 

As an individual, I like my own company above all and spend weeks, months at a stretch away from all human in high mountains and forests. I often climb big mountains solo, with very little on my back. I also free solo ice lines, frozen waterfalls, far from any human presence. And I am often asked why do I do it, since it is also very risky, dangerous and generally not done by many. Many free solo climbers do it once in a while. I do it more often.

 

Right from my childhood, from the time I took to the mountains, I was an introvert and just loved the majestic sky kissing icy peaks and the sprawling glaciers all to myself. The gaping crevasses didn’t scare me, rather drew me into their icy depths and the lofty summits ignited deep within an unquenchable thirst for those forlorn places. Places where no man has ever been before, or very few before me. I started climbing with people much elder to me in age and experience and I was fortunate to learn from some of the world’s leading alpinists and masters of the craft. I loved the cold, the ice, the challenges of thin air, the blizzards, the mind-numbing fatigue, soul crushing cold, the rigors of camping on steep gradients, nuzzling in snow holes, falling and breaking bones, tearing ligaments, getting buried in avalanches and all such things that keeps me excited and refreshed. And as I grew up both in age and experience and explored further and deeper into the mountains of the world, sometimes in large expeditions, sometimes paired up with only one and sometimes by myself, I realized that I enjoyed the most when I am alone with the mountains.

 

More than my being an introvert, I found that when I am solo, everything becomes that much simpler. Decision making, what I carry, what I do, what I think, what I say, what I eat, how I climb and how I return. How I face the hazards, how I do what I do up there. Everything is so much simpler, easy and fluid when it is only I that I have to think about. I never consciously thought of the degree of risks I was running when I am solo. Because to me the mountains are my true friends and families and as long as I treated them with love and respect (as I treat my human friends) I was sure the mountains would take care of me. So there was never any kind of fear in my mind.

 

My life’s philosophy is to keep it simple and not to plan or think too much. The adventure of discovering the unknown is lost when we plan, think, and try to gather as much information we can before the journey. A little bit of information and pre-hand knowledge is necessary I agree, but not to the point when there’s nothing else to discover when we actually arrive in the place physically.

 

And going with someone else always cropped up the challenges and made the climb more complex since now there’s another human involved. So the dynamics would be totally different. It’s amazing, the mountain and the objective is still the same, but just add a human being to myself, and everything is different. And this is against my basic philosophy of living. I believe that with very little knowledge I can go and discover the unknown, because I believe that I would be able to figure out things on the fly, on the go and if things do go wrong then I would be able to extract myself, and if not then so be it, for I truly wish to perish within the mountains. I have infinite trust in my own survival skills, how far can I stretch my mind, body and soul. I often hike for days without any food with me, and also intentionally dehydrate my body. I sometimes sleep upon snow, without tent or mattress, or cut an ice ledge and sit upon it through the night on a vertical ice slope. All to test how much would it take to shut my vital organs and die. Of course, not die, but to get to the very edge of living where life and death mingle in a soup and then to get out of it. Only by doing such things repeatedly do I know how far can I go before it is far enough.

 

I do not know any such thing about another individual and therefore it is more complex to have someone with me on a very extreme adventure.  I only do such climbs with someone that I can trust with my life and know that he/she either equals or exceeds my capacity to survive and has the ability to pull herself out of the toughest of the situations. For when we do such things it is highly possible that either both or one would not return. But over the years I have lost many of those friends or they have gone into self-imposed retirement (from such extreme climbs). And even those that are there, are not able to live impulsively as I do, since they have jobs, families, responsibilities, commitments and worldly aspirations. Whereas I have no such limitations.

 

Having said and done all of the above, all through my 47 years of climbing career, I have repeatedly returned to the purest form of climbing – free solo.

 

I have learned from the mountains that the best way to live is to live simply. Simpler your life is better and happier it is, that applies to me one hundred percent. And the only way to simplify my life was to cut down on my options, possessions, attachments, thoughts, worries and stress. So I learned to live in the moment, in the very ‘now’, fully and unconditionally. I gave up all materialistic and physical and mental attachments of all kinds, be it with a human, place or object. I reduced my needs to the barest minimum, and I grew wealthier, richer beyond imagination, and all these choices (some hard ones included) made my life simpler. And I carried this lesson into my every day life as well into my climbs and all else that I do. If we live fully in the ‘now’ there’s nothing that will cause us to worry or stress. Because in this moment, everything is absolutely unbelievably great and perfect. This moment is pure like divinity. I am living, breathing, enjoying this moment. But if we allow our minds to stray into our past and to our future then mind begins to worry, regret, stress, etc. and everything falls apart.

 

That’s exactly the way I climb when I climb free solo. Into the very moment one hundred percent, nothing exists for me other than the radius and diameter of my limbs and tools. All that matters at that moment exists within my reach. How far below is the ground (would I die if I fall off) or how much higher to go before I reach the summit (would I ever get there) are immaterial and absurd in the ‘now’. In this very moment all I care and focus on is to place my tools and stay upright and in sync with the elements. And only by doing so I stop climbing the mountain, I simply become one with the mountain.

 

It is no more Satya climbing a mountain, it simply is a mountain. This purity cannot be achieved when there are other people around me, no matter how competent or how far better they are than me.

 

But above all, I climb free solo because I want to be free. Right from my very first rational thoughts, I have wanted to be free. And freedom can only be achieved when I remove all my bindings, attachments, anchors, grounding points and even such thoughts. For your body might be free but your mind and thoughts and soul might be imprisoned.

 

When I free solo, I am not attached to anyone or anything. There’s no rope, no harness, almost no gear. What I carry are nothing but merely extension of my two hands and two legs. Nothing can be simpler and freer than that. I am only responsible for my actions, no one is affected by what I end up doing. I do not pull off someone, no one has to risk her life to rescue me if it comes to that. I don’t have to think of anyone else and no one has to think of me. What a bliss, what freedom…

 

Free solo translates into two things for me – simplicity and freedom. And that’s what my life is all about. Be simple, be free. The two words are self-explanatory. Solo is simple; Free is freedom.

 

I will now conclude with my universal disclaimer: Never Do what I Do. Do what I say.

 

What I do (do not do it) – Free Solo

 

What I say (do it) – Please do not free solo, not at home, not anywhere. I do not recommend it to anyone. Whenever you go into the outdoors, please prepare, please train, please carry all necessary gear, and above all please go with someone you can trust.

 

And here’s a quote (not sure who said it): Those who fly solo have the strongest wings…

 

There’s nothing wrong in being social and seeking human company when you are equally happy and fulfilled alone. But those who cannot handle their own company and constantly seek others to make themselves feel uplifted and fulfilled, according to me, need to learn how amazing solitude is and how much we learn when we are with ourselves. So while I do not recommend you climb free solo or go into the wild outdoors free solo, I do recommend solo travel, solo activities, solo time and all things solo.

Pic courtesy: 

https://unsplash.com/@jonander