What is Your Purpose

 

I have a friend, who has achieved some of the most coveted landmarks in the climbing adventure world. He is few years younger than I and on and off I have been his mental trainer and used to be his mentor and climbing instructor when he had just started his climbing. Just a day before, he messaged me and wanted to schedule a one on one mental training session. It seemed urgent so we met up virtually and spoke for nearly 2 hours. You will be surprised what transpired and why he wanted to talk to me. But first let me give you some of his achievements and lifestyle in a nutshell.

He has completed the seven summits and Adventure Grand Slam challenge (climbing the highest peaks of all the seven continents and also skiing to the geographical North and South Poles) all in one attempt over a span of 3 years. I was his guide and leader in several of these climbs. He has also climbed five 8000m plus peaks besides Everest. Which means he has climbed 6 of the world’s 14 highest peaks soaring above 8000m. For all these expeditions and training climbs, he has now visited 24 countries and of course all the seven continents. And due to his work (he is a second generation business man) has also been to many other countries. He has climbed and hiked in European Alps, New Zealand, Central Asian mountains, Karakoram Pakistan (where I haven’t been), in Mexico, Canada, Andes (besides Aconcagua). Professionally he owns and runs a highly successful and lucrative global business. He is married with one child, who is super bright and doing exceedingly well in college. His wife is a wonderful lady and they live in a massive house full of every possible materials of aesthetic and lifestyle value. They go on vacations to the finest resorts. He owns several expensive luxury cars and a medium sized yacht. He and his wife regularly contribute to charity causes and actively participate in fund raising, etc. They have an active and engaging social life with friends and family spread around the world.

In short, he owns and has everything that should make him happy, excited, and purposefully engaged. He has a dream life, all of his friends say. Yet, to me he confided, that he has got bored and listless and has lost the sense of a purpose. He goes through life like a dreary routine. And he finds it even more difficult to cope since everyone says that his life is the most amazing and exciting. Since he keeps putting all such images and things in social media, where he has thousands of followers, he has to continue the charade of living his dream life and cannot confide into anyone, including his own wife, how empty and hollow and fake he feels from within. In short he has become a victim of his own success.

So he came to me.

What do you think had or has happened to my friend of so many achievements!

In our lives we only attach importance to our big achievements, those are the things we aim for, we celebrate and deem important. Those are the ones that the world sees and fetes us for, those are the landmark achievements through which we define ourselves and identify and also support our self esteem and ego. Those are the moments that are our life’s highlights visible to the outside world. And if we continue to identify ourselves deep within through them then there’s the problem. Precisely because not every day is full of amazing things or climbs or adventures that is a world record or something that others would get inspired with or emulate or talk about.

So in my friend’s case, though he did amazing climbs and adventures and was duly celebrated by the world, and during those days he was like a bull terrier and nothing in the world could either distract him or reduce his excitement, once the adventures were over, his life went out of world’s focus since now there were others doing something new. Those 3 years of his life when he was training and climbing Adventure Grand Slam were his best years, he told me. But then came the days when he had nothing to do in that scale. So after a year or two of ennui he decided to climb some 8000m peaks, which he did, and got some sort of recognition but nothing like the frenzy he had created earlier. And even that died down soon as the world moved on to its own challenges. And he became cranky, restless, bored, stressed, angry, upset, which eventually started affecting his professional and personal life. Now that he had lost the purpose of his life, he didn’t know what to do. He had realized that if he continued to climb more mountains it was not really going to change his life much as he had already achieved all possible records he could. So he stopped climbing mountains, though he would go for hikes. Yet something was missing. His business and friends circle was as before and his profits soared each year but his business was already boring before he started his climbing. He was successful but his business didn’t offer him any challenges or sense of purpose any more, and that’s the reason why he started climbing. Being outwardly successful in business didn’t really make him happy. His success had become his enemy.

When we have everything that we want, life can get boring and without purpose. We might have all the wealth and freedom in the world but without a purpose, to continue to fill us up with a sense of challenge and excitement, our life would be mundane to us inwardly. No matter what we pretend to the world or how many followers and admirers we have in social media.

My friend now had no clue what he should do next to make his life exciting and purposeful again. That was in a nutshell his ailment. I suggested that he start learning something new, like a language, a sport, engage in creative pursuits like music, writing, painting, etc. but he rejected them all. He had the time and resources to do just about anything in the world yet he was unhappy and lived an empty life. He was just too bored to start anything afresh. Plus whatever he could or would do now, would not get him the same sense of achievement or fame that he had got with Adventure Grand Slam and other climbs. So he continued to dwell in his past achievements, posting an image here and there from time to time on social media, gathering few hundred likes or emojis every now and then. His business ran on autopilot as he had an excellent team and rarely had to supervise or go to his office. He had tried meditation and detox retreats, running, yoga, all sorts of rejuvenation therapy, luxury cruises, beach holidays, throwing big parties, yet to no avail. The world really didn’t care about him any more, which is the way it is as there’s always something new to keep the world’s attention focused. And now away from the limelight my friend languished in darkness within his unhappy soul.

As I believe, no matter what your illness is, you must first cure your mind from feeling that you are ill. Only then will your physical health begin to improve. Our bodies are subject to sickness but our minds are totally under our own control. Only we can decide if we want a healthy or sick mind. Mental health is first and foremost for our well being. Every therapy must begin from there. That’s exactly what I told my friend. And to cure your mind you do not need anything at all. No money, no fame, no glory, no Everest or Adventure Grand Slam. All you need is to find your purpose. ‘Purpose’ is the only medicine that mind needs and desires. What’s your purpose of life? And then break down your life into every day. What is your purpose for today? Then break down your today into every moment that you live consciously awake. What is your purpose for this moment?

This sense of purpose for each moment will keep you engaged and excited. No matter how stupid or insignificant that purpose might seem. So right now my purpose is to write this post. And yours is to read these words that I have written. Your purpose could be that you are walking in a park, or making your breakfast or commuting to office or reading a book, or singing, or watching a serial, or day dreaming, or arguing with your spouse, or having sex, or going grocery shopping, or cleaning your toilet, or climbing a mountain. It doesn’t really matter. As long as you live every day, every moment with a sense of purpose. This is also the way to living in the moment, of being aware of each and every action and doing it purposefully.

Why this sense of purpose for every day things is important because the sense of purpose gives us a focus and on achievement it gives us a sense of fulfilment and it is this sense of fulfilment that gives us the joy of living. So if your purpose today is to clean the toilet, then do it properly fully focussed and on completing it, feel the sense of achievement and fulfilment and believe me cleaning your toilet to its satisfaction is no less an achievement than climbing to the top of Everest, and the latter is not even necessary, while the former is. However on social media no one will be inspired if you post that today you cleaned your toilet. No one will comment ‘Wow, you are a star’ or ‘Congratulations on your amazing world record, you are my hero’ neither will you get adulation from the opposite sex for cleaning the toilet. But it’s not others that you have to worry about. Do you feel the sense of achievement of having a job well done!

And let me tell you, cleaning a toilet by yourself is a much bigger achievement than climbing Everest. On Everest you have many to support you, your guide, your Sherpa, you have all the resources necessary and help and emergency services. While in the toilet you are totally by yourself and no emergency evacuations or medical tents.

So my friends live your every day, each moment with a focused sense of purpose. When you find none, then remember the basic fundamental purpose of living, to simply live and for that to breathe fully, slowly and with a sense of purpose. Breathe purposefully. Rest everything will follow. And to hell with Social Media and what others think about you.